Grief is one of those things that feels impossible to navigate, even from the outside. Just generally speaking here, having to work through the whole grieving process might be one of the most natural and common things that a person (of any age) needs to do, but it’s absolutely one of the hardest as well. When someone you care about loses a loved one, there is that instant moment of panic.
Like, the mind starts scrambling for the right thing to say, the right thing to do, the right way to show up. And honestly, it can feel incredibly awkward too; it’s not supposed to, but it does. But why? Well, it’s not like anyone wants to say the wrong thing, no one wants to overstep, and at the same time, sitting there doing nothing feels just as uncomfortable.
So yeah, just everything feels heavy, confusing, and overwhelming. Well, supporting someone through grief is less about perfection (granted, it feels like that’s the best choice), actually, it’s more like having a gentle presence, but it needs to be done the right way. Here is how to support a friend who is grieving.
Just Showing Up Matters More than Words
One of the biggest mistakes people make around grief is overthinking what to say. The pressure to offer the perfect comforting words can get so intense that some people avoid reaching out altogether. Now, that’s clearly such a massive mistake because once people “recover” they do remember those who gave condelsnes. But showing up, even in the smallest way, speaks louder than any beautifully crafted sentence ever could (but those are still nice to have as well). Seriously, even just sending a message saying “thinking of you today” really does mean a lot.
Avoid Generic “Anything You Need” Gestures
Maybe this one will come off as rude, but saying “if you need anything, please just let me know”, it’s very generic, and usually it’s said out of pleasantries and literally no other reason. Plus, you need to keep in mind that when someone is grieving, the brain is foggy, energy feels drained, and even the smallest decisions can feel like a mountain. While yeah, sure, saying “anything you need” sounds kind, but it puts the responsibility on them to figure out what to ask for. And again, some people say that out of kindness and pleasantries (so that can be hard to read too).
So, just help in those simple, practical things that help keep life moving when they feel stuck. And bit by bit, easing those small responsibilities gives space for the grieving person to rest, cry, breathe, or simply exist without pressure. They have to plan a funeral, they have to handle assets (usually theres drama with that), and while yes, working with a funeral director can take away a huge amount of that pressure, it’s still going to massively help to do other things too.
For example, maybe set up a meal train, offer to get groceries, pick up the kids, clean up the house, walk their dog, do a load of laundry, and yeah, those small things matter immensely.
That Support Needs to Last Beyond the Funeral
After the funeral, some people feel better because they said goodbye, well, not for the immediate family of the deceased at least. In fact, things can feel even harder once the services are over and everyone else returns to normal life. But the silence after the farewell is often when everything hits the hardest. That’s pretty much the stage where ongoing support for a friend who is grieving becomes incredibly meaningful.
