Ageing is a funny thing. For most of our lives, we don’t even give getting old a second thought. It’s happening in the background as we grow and build our own lives. But, eventually, the time comes when it catches up with us and begins to make a real impact on the things we can and can’t do. And, sometimes it happens in the blink of an eye rather than happening gradually.
For your parents, it can be difficult to come to terms with the reality of their future. They’ve been independent adults for as long as they can remember, so when it slips through their fingers without any warning signs, it can be extremely difficult to deal with. In fact, lots of people spend a lot of time in denial that they’re actually getting older and need to slow down.
For you as the child in this situation, it then becomes your responsibility to have that conversation with them about ageing and the help they may need. It’s not easy, and it will be an upsetting conversation, but it might help them adjust to what’s to come. Not sure where to start? Let’s take a look at some of the best ways of approaching their new reality.
Bring up the subject early on
One of the reasons that the ageing conversation can be so upsetting and awkward is that it’s only ever initiated out of concern. Instead, why not bring up the conversation earlier on in life while they’re still in a healthy state? Things like where they’d want to be buried or who’s going to be the executor of their wills will not only help you get all of the information before it’s too late but also make it less daunting for them when they do get older.
Making the subject less of a pressing matter and more of a conversation about something way into the future will also allow everyone to talk without feeling like their time is nearly up, which is obviously a scary thought. If they become ill and you haven’t talked about ageing, they then have to deal with the illness and the disruption of the conversation, which can be very distressing.
Keep their feelings in mind
You know that your feelings and thoughts are only coming out of a place of love and concern, and so do your parents deep down. However, talking to them about ageing is always going to be a challenge. So put yourself in their shoes and imagine someone was telling you that you needed to slow down and be more careful – you’d feel awful, right? That’s because your independence as an adult is important to you, and the same goes for your parents.
Take into consideration how this conversation is going to affect their lives and channel that into how you approach the subject. There’s no need to go in all guns blazing, you simply need to have a conversation with their feelings in mind. Sites like mobility2you have lots of useful guides on how to approach these kinds of conversations in many different areas of the ageing process.
Be an open communicator
Some people converse well very naturally, but it’s not a gift that all of us have. However, when it comes to your parent’s health and the ageing process, now isn’t the time to keep your mouth shut. You need to learn to be an open communicator.
There’s a good chance that over the years you’ve yelled at your parents and vice versa at some point or another, and it’s important not to get into those bad habits at a time like this. Both sides of the party need to promise to be respectful during these conversations. Don’t let your feelings overrun how you communicate. It’s a challenge, but it will make the whole process much easier.
Encourage them to make all of the decisions
Finally, as the child in this situation, the last thing you want to do is to have to tell your parents what to do or what they should be doing. Instead, you need to try and hint at what they should be doing at their age. By hinting, they will feel like they’re the ones making the decisions, and you’ll avoid an awkward conversation or have them feel like you’re trying to run their lives.
Of course, if they don’t pick up on the hints then you’ll need to be direct, but it’s always better to encourage them to make all of their own decisions.
